It`s about time that I am writing a Follow-Up Post on my 30-Day “Thank and Grow Rich” Experiment.
If you haven’t read my previous posts about this wicked interesting experiment, you better do it right here and right now:
2nd: My Capital Portfolio
As a reminder for all of you who already follow my journey, here is my Capital Portfolio from January 15th 2017 again:
So obviously my Alchemic and my Adventure Capital were the shits while my other 3 were okay (-ish). Of course I want to get the maximum from this experiment and not just okay (-ish) results, because I can achieve them myself without spending money on a book.
So what has changed since I started the experiment?
Admittedly, not much… YET! I can`t blame this on the book, the exercises or even Pam. (Although looking for someone to blame, would be easier) No, I’m at fault.
I decided to do this experiment, and I decided to not have finished reading the book yet, because I allowed myself to get distracted (mostly by Netflix). I allow myself not to wake up every morning and do my gratitude exercise, I allow myself to get all engrossed into the daily tasks, stress and (mostly) toxic mood as soon as my alarm goes off and not only me but my urge to throw that bloody clock out of the window awakes.
I let myself think, “Fuck, already Monday!”, “Damn, waking up by myself again.” (my hubby is gone for work), “Shit! I don`t want to go to work, when will I win the friggin’ lottery?” Instead of thinking “Thank you, I woke up again!”, “Thank you, my man has a job, which provides for the both of us, if need be, while others struggle to pay their bills!” or “Thank you, I am able to go back to my job again, after 6 months of unemployment! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!” I should jump out of bed, excited for this new day! Instead, I get up, mutter and roll my eyes at myself in the mirror. Not only is this ungratefulness at it’s best, no, it’s also rude as hell. I’m being rude to myself, because I am bummed about having to get up at 6:30 am. Which is actually not that bad either. I remember having to leave for work at 3:30 am… So I am asking you: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME????
Right, old habits, that’s what’s wrong with me. That’s what’s wrong with most of us. We follow the habit we’ve learned at some point along the way…to bitch about fucking everything. Nothing is good enough and it`s easier to drown in self-pity than to enjoy the small things in life and actually grasp the concept of the Law of Attraction. If I focus on the good things, more good things will come to me.
How the hell did we get into this spiral of negativity and self-pity? I don’t have a clue. Who’s fault is it? Society? Our parents? Grandparents? Media? It doens’t matter. What matters is that we have to snap out of this shit- and pretty damn quick at that!
Back to my experiment: As a New Years Resolution I started a gratitude diary. Every day I write 3 things I am thankful for into my Daily Planner. Not knowing that this actually is a part – the biggest part- of this whole experiment. Wake up, be grateful and say to yourself: “Something magical will happen to me today!” Don’t just say it, decide it. I still have to work on my decisiveness though. And on remembering it in my foggy mind at the buttcrack of dawn, that something magical will happen. So usually it’s more of a “Oh, right something magical might happen today…hopefully…maybe…”, after my first cup of coffee on my way to work.
The things I am grateful for usually repeat, like I had a great workout at the gym, I am happy to be loved and I had a successful day at work. Mostly because of my lack of Adventure Capital. There is just not a whole bunch happening lately, except work, gym and Netflix. Kinda sad, I know.
However, there is so much more than that to be thankful for, although I am thankful for these things every single day, I have to find new things. Also I have to make it a habit to decide that something magical will happen to me, without thinking about the how, when and what. I will see it when it happens.
Enough of my shortcomings though, let`s talk about the good things that happened since I am (more or less) doing this particular experiment and how my capitals have changed.
About 2 weeks ago I rated my Alchemic Capital with a 3. This time I would bump it up a notch to a 4, as I figured out that I was already practicing gratitude (although not perfectly, but live and learn I guess) and as soon as I’ll master to make the decision to draw magic into my life, each and every day, I will bump it up to a 6 or even 7.
For now my Spiritual and Creative Capital stayed the same, I think. Nothing big happened in this department. I still have the same beliefs and feel equally strong about the universe. My brain is still buzzing with ideas although some days all this creativity and buzzing paralyzes me, I am still trying to funnel my ideas in an efficient way.
I found a nice quote today, that I`d like to share. I am projecting this onto my creativity. Although I feel paralyzed and overwhelmed at times, I know it is for the best and for bigger things to come.
I didn’t think that this would happen this fast, but my Social Capital actually increased by a point. My SQUAD grew. Actually it was already this big I just hadn’t realized it yet. I experienced support I didn’t think I had. At least not to this extend.
Despite having good intentions to go to the gym on a regular basis I got overwhelmed by work, household stuff and not feeling up to it. To go there and climb these stairs to the gym floor felt impossible and I didn’t know what to do about it. I hated my body with every day more and more but didn’t have the strength to do anything about it – until one of my trainers approached me. A simple text saying “Where are you?” And for some reason I felt the need to tell her. I had to tell her how impossible it feels to come in and get my workout done, how I find one excuse after another, how I hate myself for not going, but still can’t muster the strength let alone the willpower to come – and I started crying like a baby. And she just understood, telling me how precious I am and that she`s there for me and that she knows how it feels to feel this way but also that she knows that I can do it and that she’ll be there for me every step of the way. It probably doesn’t seem much, but it felt like the world to me in this moment of weakness. And if you have ever been there- in that dark place, feeling worthless, feeling small and hating yourself, while knowing how to change it, knowing the steps to take but still not being able to muster the strength to do it – you’ll know how it feels when somebody reaches out handing you a candle. That night, my Squad grew by a person which turned into a whole army shining bright and supporting me, as soon as I set foot again into “my” gym.
I also experienced support from another friend. One I don`t talk to on a regular basis, because life happens. But her telling me, that she is waiting for my next blog post and is excited to see how my experiment turns out, actually made me write this one and now. Quite frankly, I was lightly discouraged by not having many views on my posts, only little follower numbers compared to others. My impatience and my lack of self-esteem almost turned me off on my wish to continue this Blog, to write, to share and to connect with people. But her little nudge helped me out of my ridiculous self-pity hole my butthurt ego put me in and I started writing. Of course I want the world to like my Blog, to get shares, to reach people. But at this point, if I’d only write it for her… I would. And if other people also like my stories, share my words and maybe even find themselves in my texts, it’s the icing on the cake.
I am happy to realize every day how big my SQUAD actually is and how many people I have in my corner. And that it`s growing every day. This realization made me feel different about myself. Better. Knowing that there are people to pick me up, to reach out to me in case I fall.
My Adventure Capital….well what should I say. Being invited to a birthday and saying “HELL YES” to the invitation, actually getting dolled up and having a good time compared to declining such opportunities for whatever reason and Netflix night – every damn night, I think I deserve another Point! 🙂
Until I started writing this post I thought I couldn’t track any “Capitals Gains” yet. And I haven`t seen (as in noticed / realized) any blessings from the natural world, any messages from the other side yet. Also there are no shattered absolute facts yet. But I although thought I wouldn’t have any personal totems or symbols. But while I was writing this I realized that I do. I do have a totem. A symbol that shows up every time I am troubled or insecure. It’s my SQUAD. My friends. Be it my best friend telling me to stop comparing myself to others, be it this “Where are you”-texts to get my ass back on track, or is it somebody telling me out of the blue, they are being excited to read my next Blog post and to keep them coming and calling me brave.
I guess, that`s what my personal totem is at this point. Not an spiritual animal or a ghost, or a near death experience. But friends.
(I’m pretty sure you know who you are, given that you’ve read this 😉 )
Thanks for reading.